About Ann Burks

In the midst of one of my more dramatic suburban moments I called our dear friend and minister, Larry Wood. Larry has a gift for talking me off the ledge and giving me a slice of advice to take back to my culdesac. He said, "Denise, you need a mentor and I know just the woman for you!"

We both knew exactly what woman he was talking about. Ann Burks.

To be completely honest I viewed Ann Burks as just another one of those annoyingly perfect women who, not only had her act together, but was adored by all. She is the type that always sends thank you notes, ships personalized birthday and holiday cookies and once she even physically pulled me down to my knees to pray when I was in the middle of an angry tirade about my husband's lack of appreciation.

That day she prayed, out loud, for patience to tolerate and strength to change.

She didn't sugar coat the bad behavior, which is pretty amazing since my husband is also her son. In less than ninety seconds, she validated my feelings by stating that comments like, "How hard could it be?" whether spoken or just implied were hurtful. Then, like a professional believer, she prayed for change. Before she wrapped it up, right before the amen, I chimed in that changing that guy would be a #*&@ damned miracle. That is when she squeezed my hands extra hard, which were already wrapped in hers. She turned, looked me in the eyes without any judgment, and giggled, "Crazier things have happened!"

At that moment, Ann was my crazy.

I thought to myself, it is easy to be happy and prayerful when you are Ann Burks. She has an absolutely-over-the-top-adoring husband, beautiful home and cottage, cars and boats, three accomplished and handsome sons and ten gorgeous grandchildren that phone her, regularly. She goes on vacations with friends, is the vice president of her garden club, serves on the Second Mile Ministry Committee and is a life long member of her church choir.

Ann is a perfect example of a successful suburban woman. I suppose Larry was right, I could learn a lot from her but I wasn't interested.

But, as you might predict, since she is the very first woman on this site, things have changed over the years. I've learned a lot about her life and realize that her path has not been exactly paved in gold.

Her husband, my father-in-law, dunked her in the neighborhood swimming pool when they first met (she was 12, he was 14) and I imagine that she's been dunked a few times since, metaphorically speaking. She seemed to whip out that prayer asking for patience to tolerate and strength to change a little too easily.

But the part of her story that especially touched me is her relationship with her mother. Her mother, Cora Belle, was from a fine family and she became an accomplished piano player. She married and had six children. Ann is the youngest. Cora Belle's husband would disappear and suddenly reappear, over their lifetime. He ended up losing everything, including Cora Belle's family money. Ann tells a story about accompanying her mother on a job interview because they couldn't afford a babysitter. Dressed in their best, Cora Belle and Ann faced Michigan's bitter January cold, traveling by bus and then walking a couple of miles because they got lost. Finally, her mother phoned the school principal, where she was applying for a teaching position, from a bar to let him know she was running late. So Cora Belle showed up for the interview, late, with a frozen child, after calling from a bar -- a real no-no in the 1940's -- and she got the job. Ann was seven years old but she still remembers the principal saying, "This is a first. I've never hired anyone who called me from the Green Lantern!"

Ann watched her mother work hard as a teacher during the day and take college classes at night. They struggled financially but somehow her mother kept her sunny and gracious disposition till the day she died at age 95.

As a young woman, Ann worked hard herself. With her friend, Marie Rose, she opened a butcher and grocery store, "Roseann's Market." After time they closed the store and Ann took several different jobs, eventually going to work as the assistant to the principal at Dondero High School, where she and her husband and all three of their sons graduated. After 21 years she retired.

I often attribute her patience and sincere interest in the grandchildren's dribble to her years of training at the hands of Dondero High School's juvenile delinquents. Let's face it, honor students don't make regular visits to a principal's office. She never hesitates to ask the grandkids, and their friends who tag along on visits to the cottage, lots of questions. She seems authentically interested in listening to their stories and has a real gift for engaging them. She doesn't hesitate to get on the floor and do downward seeking dog with the teenagers. She isn't afraid to scold the little boys for not stepping outside before letting loose a big smelly tooter. She is comfortable in her own skin, as they say. I know that she loves beautiful clothes and furniture and jewelry and food and gardens but she seems to be completely at ease with herself while wearing a 1970's snowmobile suit and helmet hair, sitting at The Breakers eating a burger.

So, after all of these years I'm finally following Larry Wood's advice. As I travel through my life, every now and then I find myself playing a little game called WWAD. What Would Ann Do?

(For those of you who find that blasphemous, so be it. Blame my minister, Larry. He's a man of the cloth and he put that idea in my little head and so far it's working just fine for me.)